DRAGONWYST

12 August 2010

The initial assessment period with the chiropractor is now complete. X-rays show that I have lost the normal lordosis in my neck, giving me what is called kyphosis or “military neck”. This is related to weakness of neck muscles and a long-standing tendency to poke my head. I find that as soon as I focus on a balletic-type posture I correct this. My pelvis is also slightly rotated and uneven due to the tension of muscles on the right. I’m glad I know about these things now so that I can try to correct them before they lead to more problems, and have the appropriate chiropractic treatment.

I am struggling with a painful left rotator cuff (shoulder) ever since my episode of gastro. Sometimes I feel as if I’m beginning to fall apart way too soon! However, it’s something that can be treated and once again, it means focussing on strengthening muscles that support the joint. It seems everything points to developing muscle strength.

Today I tried on my hakama. I am still planning to return to Japanese Swordsmanship next month, and I was curious to see if it would be any easier to get the ties to reach round to the back than before. What a pleasure to find I can now tie them up far more easily! It was quite clear that I am thinner than I have been any time in the last year. That was just the sort of encouragement I needed in a week where my weight seems to be creeping up a little rather than going down. I suspect the weight creep might be due to adding muscle more than anything else. I know I have stuck to my good eating and exercise as diligently as I can. I am also curious to see if I’m destined for another plateau period, making it hard for me to get below and stay below 97kg for a week or two. It will be interesting to see how long this sticky patch lasts. Over time, I should be able to tell if there is some sort of pattern to the way body adjusts to weight loss.

I think – just maybe – that I’m beginning to learn to stand up straight again – shoulders relaxed down, head in a better position, jaw clenching less…It’s astounding how much energy one can waste purely on bad posture. So many muscle groups have to work so much harder with that round-shouldered, head-poked, tensed up way of standing. I have found myself becoming aware of how often I adjust my posture to communicate – often to send messages of empathy when people are grumbling, or to be submissive when I am with one I perceive as negative/passive aggressive towards me. I hunch up to be less, smaller, non-threatening or to convey agreeing with someone that all is not well with the world. Standing up straight and with relaxed shoulders is, for me, part and parcel of my perception of myself in the world. I have always blamed nursing and the exhaustion of those years of my training with 12 hour shifts for the deterioration of my posture. However, it was also in the years of my training that I learnt self-doubt and became depressed and that may just as well affected how I take my stand in the world.

There is so much to learn and I remain most grateful that I have reached this point in my life where I feel happy and comfortable taking the time to focus on myself and my well-being.